As requested, some pics to go along with my last entry~
If I lose you somewhere )
mossygirl: (alice)
( Jul. 13th, 2012 11:34)
Oh, I haven't mentioned the new tooth "saga" on here ...

So, on July 2nd, I was eating a piece of candy and the crown on my tooth (which has been bothering me for nearly two years -- yeah, I avoided going to the dentist for that long) came off. Of course, I freaked out. My dentist retired a while back, so I had no idea who to call (also part of the reason why it's been so long). I ended up calling the dentist who used to work with my dentist many years ago and now has his own practice. He was able to see me that very night. After taking an x-ray and poking around my crown-less tooth, he informed me that I would need a root canal. OK, yeah, that was what I expected.

Fast forward to yesterday. I got my root canal done. It seemed OK.

Fast forward to this morning. I woke up in a sweat. And the gum next to my root-canaled tooth is swollen. I stumbled down stairs and felt ill. I was freaking out. Decided to stay home from work because of feeling so badly.

I called up my dentist's office. The receptionist said that some swelling was normal, and recommended I gargle some saltwater. I'm still worried, though, because she asked if it was "infected swelling." Well, I don't know the difference. It's not really painful or heavily swollen, but it is definitely swollen. And now the top of the swelling seems lighter (she asked if it was white when I called and I said no) ... urgh. I might just have to ask if I can come in and just have them look at it. That would reassure me, I think ... or maybe I should wait to see how it is tomorrow.

I don't want to be freaking out over nothing, but if it is something I should be worried about ... obviously I want it to be resolved.

I'm not even sure if my feeling ill this morning was related to the tooth or simply me freaking out early in the morning and scrambling up and down the stairs immediately after waking up (which yes, may result in lightheadedness and nausea when one has just woken up). My feelings of anxiety have had physical symptoms on me in the past as well (sick to my stomach). And it was warm this morning, and I had had blankets over me, so that would explain the sweat.

I feel frustrated being at home with nothing to do, slightly guilty that I'm skipping work, even though I'm sure it would be worse if I were at work. Even though I am not so physically ill as to be unable to get out of bed, I still do not feel well. And this is my first time taking a sick day since I started at my current job ...

Argh, so frustrating. It doesn't help that I was reading articles before the root canal about a boy in Chicago who died a week after a root canal from sepsis (infection). Even though root canals are said to be successful 95 percent of the time. What if I'm in the 5 percent?!

I really need to relax. I'm not making anything better by freaking out. I will call my dentist again if it gets worse. Just relax for now.

I just want this all to be fixed and done with so I can go on with my life ...

EDIT: Called my dentist again. They're giving me another prescription for amoxycillin (which I was taking for about a week before the root canal). I'd feel better if I could go in again and have them actually look at it, but this is better than nothing. I just hope it makes it better ...
mossygirl: (alice)
( Apr. 24th, 2012 22:22)
While sitting at my laptop in the basement, I heard a distant sound like thunder, an ever-so-soft rumbling, obviously far off. Too consistent for natural phenomena, though. It went on for a while. I wonder what it was ... ?

(Maybe drilling in the quarry ... ?)

The MRI went fine, but my mom told me my granpa's been very confused today. He mumbles things that don't make sense. He tries to put on his slippers and asks, "Is it time to go home?" "You're at home, Dad. You're in your bed," my mom tells him.

After my uncle came in, my granpa asked, "Who's that man?"
"That's your son."
"No, not him. The other man. Should I talk to him?"

He knew who my uncle was. He thought someone else was there.

I know this sort of thing is often seen in those who are dying ... "but I don't think he's dying," my mom added, after echoing my own thoughts. Or maybe she just said that because I was getting teary-eyed (though I kept it under control). I don't know why such a thing should disturb me more than the falls (he fell again yesterday, though not badly, we think -- he forgets that he's fallen and that he needs to be careful) and the pain he's already gone through, but it does. I don't really believe in ghosts or anything. Angels, OK, that's nice and comforting, but even then, there's nothing to say he's not just hallucinating ... but of course that doesn't make it any better because hallucinating people who aren't there is pretty terrifying.

(Even if the part of me that loves creepy stories wants to ask what this person looks like.)

Even though his memory has been very bad for a long time (he can remember people fine, but he forgets what he did five minutes ago), his mind seemed to be intact. Today he seemed to be unraveling.

It's only Tuesday ... I just want it to hurry up and be Friday so I can leave as fast as I can and not look back. (Yes, I'm being awfully cowardly.) So long as I make it to Japan, to my friends, whatever happens after that is fine. Though it'd probably be good if I visited my granpa before then ...

Your result for The Song of Ice and Fire Personality Test...

Bran Stark

You scored 230 Adaptability, 180 Humor, 310 Integrity and 120 Activity!

When I sleep I turn into a wolf. Do wolves dream?

You are Bran Stark

You have big dreams in life, and you get frustrated with those who think you are unable to achieve them. You love to explore and wish for more adventure in your life. You are generally introverted when it comes to interacting with others, though you have you have been known to have a few rather crazy outbursts. You love animals and feel connected to them. You have psychic tendencies and you know far more about life, and the world, than you let on. You are adventurous, perceptive, and resolute.

You also similar to Catelyn Stark and Robb Stark. Your polar opposite is Asha Greyjoy.

Take The Song of Ice and Fire Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

I am fine with this, because I ♥ Bran -- though he is definitely more adventurous/stronger than me (that little boy's been through a whole lot). He was pretty much the first character in Game of Thrones who I got really attached to.

If you happen to take the quiz, do share your results! I'm interested :D

Work blahs )
A little bit after midnight last night, I shut down my computer and brought my water glass up to the kitchen. As I headed for the sink, I saw a small, dark shape hurtling along at the back of counter.

I was quite startled and let out a quiet "W-w-whaaaaaa!" before I realized what it was. A mouse! My mom found some droppings last week, but seeing it is a little bit different from hearing there's a mouse in the house. (Fortunately, the mouse droppings have put my dad into gear on fixing the windows down here.)

Poor little mousey. You're probably going to die if you stick around here D:

... I keep thinking I'm going to write about work, but going to work is exhausting enough without thinking about it outside of work, haaa. And then how my granpa was calling people up to say "goodbye" on Sunday because he thought he was dying ... he fell on Friday and has been in pain, but he didn't take anything for the pain (he doesn't like doctors/hospitals, so that was out; he didn't break anything, at least), so he's just been suffering. My mom checked up on him that day and gave him some pain relievers, and ... well, he's still in the land of the living so far. My mom's been fairly cool-headed about it outwardly, but I know she was worried before she visited him; even though my uncle lives with him, she's really the "dependable" one who does everything. She said he's doing fine other than the pain from the fall. He's doing all right for a 97 year old, but ... my granpa is ready to die. He asks, "Why am I still alive?" He's become so frail, and his short-term memory is gone. It's ... very sad. Of course, I would be very sad if he died too. For all we know he could live to be 100, but ... I don't really think that's what he wants. Anyway, it's certainly nothing I have control over, so there's no use in dwelling on it. But if you feel so inclined, if you could say a prayer for him ...

Ah, through the new window down here, I can see the yellow crescent of the moon, slowly being obscured by vegetation as it sinks lower. ...
mossygirl: (himari)
( Mar. 19th, 2012 20:50)
My mom's put a cuckoo clock in the kitchen.

It doesn't work. (I found this out after staring at it for nearly 5 minutes, waiting for the cuckoo to come out. ...) My brother picked it up quite some time ago from who knows where (he tends to accrue junk/treasures) and was going to get rid of it because some connection is loose so that when it hits the hour, it can't ... cuckoo. Anyway, my mom figures she can try to fix it, because after all, a cuckoo clock is not something she would normally buy, so hey, a curiosity!

We know it was made in Germany, but have no idea how old it is. I suspect it's probably just a souvenir from a gift shop somewhere, but it is still kind of neat. Carved wooden leaves and bunches of black fruit (grapes? berries?) surround the face; an owl looks out from above it, and a wolf from below.

My overactive imagination wonders if there is some evil sealed inside it, preventing the cuckoo from emerging--! ... No, of course not. It's just a loose wire or something. It might not even be as old as the grandfather clocks we have, so why should it have such an interesting back story ...?


I ordered a brand new PS3 yesterday from Amazon. Part of me says, don't get so excited; better to be calm so that the wait and anticipation won't wear on me (and so I don't overreact over anything again ...). But of course I can't help checking my Amazon account every few hours to see if it's shipped yet, haha. The other one came so quickly; I bet I'll have to wait this time around ... haaa. Must be patient.

(For some reason, Matantei Loki Ragnarok's OST keeps coming up on my iTunes, and ... I really like most of what continually comes up~)
mossygirl: (Default)
( Mar. 7th, 2012 21:57)
It's my fault for reading creepy things in the evening, but ...

Can I say that doors unnerve me? (Somehow this entry got really long, heh.)
Is this a normal fear? )
For some reason, I find myself without the ability to be concise today. This entry rambles a bit, so I apologize in advance.

So, last night did not go quite as planned -- but our plans weren't very set anyway, and it all turned out all right in the end.
Taking the train downtown )
I write an entry here and there, but I don't seem to ever post it here. It's like I have certain expectations for my LJ entries that they are failing to meet. Or something.
the blahs )
I think my mom mentioned it before, and when I asked on the phone (my parents were out and about today), she said she had seen a "big, tough-looking, dark gray cat" about a week ago. But I hadn't seen it until today.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow )
The elements are in a whirl.
The gray-and-white cat )
2011: Year in Review
I thought it might be kind of interesting to look back at 2011. A retrospective, so to speak. Uhhhh ... this is mostly for my own benefit, I guess, so feel free to pass it over ^^;
Positives, negatives, and other stuff )
Posting at work again ... bad me. But it's been very empty tonight, and neither of the YS supervisors are here to give me something productive to do, so ...
Vacation and Elfen Lied, hoo boy )
My, my. It's been almost a month. Plenty has happened and yet ... it still doesn't feel like enough to do regular entries.
posting ... stuff ... )
I was going to post about my "adventure" to the mall last week (the big, nice one that I never get to because it's 40 minutes away), in which a nasty guy first acted nice and wanted to tell me about some contest and then got rather pushy and insulting when I didn't want to buy the magazines that he turned out to be selling. He went from telling me I was so "nice" and that it was "cool" that I liked video games and knew Japanese to calling me a "cheapass" and, as I finally got up to leave after failing to disengage myself politely, "weird." He called me weird at least three times. I might not be average, but what's so "weird" about me? That I tried to be nice to him? (I really did. My mom told me, "You don't have to be nice," but I recognize that working retail is sucky, so I try to be nice to people even when they're trying to sell me crap I don't want.) That I don't want to buy magazines from some random dude in the mall? (Just because I'm at a mall doesn't mean I want to spend all my money. Another memorable line from the guy: "What, buying one subscription wouldn't put you on welfare, would it?" No, but I'm stingy even on stuff that I *want* to buy.) Come on, now.
Some more complaining ... and Muramasa! )

... I think that uses up my caps quota for the time being.
Where to start? )
I was going to post about a few things ...
What were they now ... ? )
I wonder if I could ever get back to the point of posting regularly?

After two weeks of working quite a lot (six days then five days), this week's four day schedule makes me feel a bit idle. ...
The thrill of shopping )
Your week, in great detail? I don't feel like it o.o

Basically, this week I already talked about anything significant in blurbs beneath the entries for each day. I worked four days. I took care of the dog. I watched too much garbage TV and spent too much time surfing the web. If there was more, I've forgotten it already. There is not enough to differentiate the days once they have become the past.

My emotional state has been pretty brittle lately. I keep getting teary-eyed over nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me; I'm not usually like this. I do everything I can to avoid the things that are plaguing me, but I can't avoid them forever. They're not going to go away on their own. One of these days I need to stop being a coward and face the things that I'm afraid of. I just don't know how yet.

For now I'm just (sort of, but not really) watching the Oscars and trying to ignore the dog who keeps pestering me.

Next Saturday I'm planning on hanging out with some friends downtown. I think this will be really good for me. I need to get out of the house; I need to be around people who I can call my friends. (Because being around people at the library doesn't do much positive for me.) Maybe I'm just being a whiner, but I haven't felt so low in a long time.

Still to go:

Day 27 - This month, in great detail
Day 28 - This year, in great detail
Day 29 - Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy

... Don't expect much from tomorrow's entry either.


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